| "YES, YOU CAN DO THIS, evern though at this very moment you are not popular and people dislike you. You can so interest yourself in others, you can be so cheerful, so courageous and helpful, that others cannot help being drawn to you. You can compel them to like you; you can attract them to you and hold them as with hooks of steel. It is the heart qualities that attract, and it lies with you whether or not you shall cultivate and strengthen these qualities.
Thousands of people who have superb ability, and could be great successes, are comparative failures in life, because of their unfortunate personality, which prejudices people against them on first acquaintance.
Someone says that the only thing left to us when we come in contact with a disagreeable personality is flight or fight. I know a woman with fine mind and a most generous heart, who unconsciously antagonizes people by always doing or saying the wrong thing. She prides herself on her honesty and is very fearless and outspoken in her criticism. She is continually saying things that drive others away from her, and she makes an unfortunate impression on strangers, yet she is very kind and generous and will do anything in the world for those who need help or encouragement. She is one of the most accommodating women I have ever met, yet she tries one’s very soul by her repellent way of doing and saying things. She cannot understand why she does not attract people. She want to, she longs to be popular, but people don’t like her; she lives an exclusive life when she longs to live an inclusive one.
You must like others before they like you, interest yourself in others before they interest themselves in you. Keep your hurts, your sore spots, your sensitive spots, your troubles, your trials, and your afflictions to yourself. Don’t parade your ache and pains or always be describing the symptoms of your troubles. People who are constantly thinking about themselves are never attractive.
To attract others instead of repelling them, you must cultivate the heart qualities; you must drop your selfishness and indifference and show a kindly interest in others. If you are not popular, the chances are that it is due more to your selfishness than to any other one thing."
- Author, Orison Swett Marden Masterful Personality |